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Men and Sex

Frequently Asked Questions

The Stuff Between your legs

faq legs

I have a weak erection and a low sex drive. Is there anything I can use to be able to go on for hours?

Its normal to have a low sex drive sometimes and to struggle with getting an erection. There are many things that affect men’s sex drive and erections like their mental health, nutrition, and overall physical health.  Illness like depression, diabetes, and Hypertension can all affect your sex drive. Your best option is to ask a healthcare professional and get their opinion.

You can also see a doctor to see if you have erectile dysfunction and there are some medications that you may be able to take as well. If you are suffering from some form of erectile dysfunction unrelated to another issue, there are some medications you may be able to take.

I’m thinking about getting circumcised but I am HIV-positive, is that a problem?

You can definitely get circumcised even though you are HIV positive! Some men think that circumcision is only for HIV-negative guys to reduce their risk of getting infected but there are plenty of reasons (traditional and medical) that circumcision may be right for you too. If you get circumcised, it would be a good idea to be on ARVs first to improve your immune system and ensure the healing process runs smoothly.

Whenever I have sex with my partner I end up cumming really quickly. It's really embarrassing. What can I do?

This is a common condition and is known as premature ejaculation. It is especially common in younger guys and mostly goes away without any treatment. There are a few things that can help slow down your ejaculation. First, start things of slow. Take a break if you feel like you are getting excited too quickly. Some men use condoms to decrease the stimulation to their penis to prevent premature ejaculation but remember to never use more than one condom at a time because they could break. If you are still concerned, speak to a healthcare professional who may be able to provide additional support.

Sometimes I have receptive anal sex and it's really painful. Is there anything I can do to make it more comfortable and pleasurable?

Anal sex does not have to be painful. Your anus is surrounded by muscles that are naturally very tight and unlike a vagina, the anus does not naturally lubricate itself so it is very dry. In order to make anal sex more pleasurable, you first need to make sure your anus is well lubricated with water-based lube. Apply lube before sex and during in case, it gets dry. Next, make sure your muscles around your anus are relaxed. You can use your fingers to slowly stretch these muscles until you feel comfortable. You should also control how quickly and deep you are penetrated so that you can slowly let your muscles relax. Its easier to do this if you are sitting on top so you can control how things go.  


faq sti

I found out that someone I have sex with has an STI. What should I do?  

Its easy for many STIs to be transmitted between sex partners even when condoms and lube are used. So if someone you have had sex with has an STI you should go to the clinic and let your healthcare worker know. Remember, STIs sometimes don’t make symptoms even if you are infected. So its good to get check out and treated.

How do I get tested for STIs?

How you get tested for STIs will depend on what health care services you have available to you. You can find friendly clinical services by contacting your local organizations. Many healthcare facilities will be able to use a small drop of your blood to test for HIV and Syphilis. Some clinics may not be able to test for some STIs easily like Hepatitis A, B, and C, but you should still speak to a healthcare worker about them. Finally, other STIs like Herpes, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can be checked visually or you may receive treatment even if you have no symptoms if your partner has been infected.

What kind of infections can I get if I have sex with another man without a condom?

You can be exposed to the same STIs whether you have condomless sex with another man or a woman. These include Chlamydia and/or Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Hepatitis A, B, C, Warts (HPV), Herpes (HSV), and HIV. Find out more about these STIs here.

There is something wrong with my anus, I think maybe I have anal warts. What do I do now?

Anal warts are caused by a sexually transmitted virus called HPV (human papilloma virus). Health providers are able to treat these warts in a number of different ways depending on the facility (freezing them (called cryotherapy), using creams or lotions or sometimes surgical removal. Some men feel uncomfortable discussing this with a health care provider or letting them know that they have had receptive anal sex. If that is the case, you should speak to your local organizations to find a health care provider that provides competent and friendly service to men who have sex with men.


faq hiv

I think I’ve just been exposed to HIV. What do I do now?

If you believe you are HIV negative and that you were exposed more then three days ago then you should let your healthcare worker know and get tested after your window period. If you are HIV-positive then you should start ARV treatment.

If you think you have been exposed less than 72 hours ago (3 days) then you may be able to get P.E.P. If taken correctly, P.E.P will significantly reduce your chances of getting HIV. Find out more here.

After you have received PEP you will be reminded to come to the clinic after one month, and again after three months, to make sure that the PEP worked and that you are still HIV negative.

A guy came on me. Am I at risk?

Its normal to be worried if you are unsure how HIV is transmitted or if you don’t know if you have been exposed. For HIV to transmit each of the following has to happen:

  1. Your sex partner has to be HIV positive
  2. There has to be enough HIV in their to be transmitted. HIV-positive people on ARV medications who are virally suppressed do not pass on the virus to others.
  3. Their HIV-infected bodily flood (semen or blood) needs to enter your body through the inside of your anus, under your foreskin, the head of your penis, the pee tube at the end of your penis, your eyes, or an open cut or sore on your body.

If you are not sure if his cum actually went into your body or unsure of his HIV status or viral suppression then the risk is still there. The best thing would be to go for an HIV test and then again after 4-6 weeks to exclude the window period.

How long does it take to know if I am HIV positive or negative?

The time you are infected or exposed to the HIV virus depends on how your body responds to the virus by producing antibodies. You can generally test HIV positive between 4-6 weeks after exposure but a small percentage of people can take up to 3 months for this to happen. This time frame also depends on the HIV test being used so make sure to ask your healthcare provider.

I'm HIV-positive and feel so alone. What can I do?

There are many guys who are positive who feel exactly the same way as you do, you are not alone. The best thing for you to do is to find a support network of other people living with HIV or create your own support network by letting a close friend or family member you trust know about your status. Check with your local organizations to get a referral to these kinds of groups.

I'm negative and my partner is positive. What are my chances of being infected?

There are many ways now for people who have different HIV status to have sex safely.

  • If the HIV positive partner has been on ARV medication for at least 6 months and has an undetectable viral load, then they will not transmit the virus to their sex partner.
  • The HIV negative partner can start PrEP. Taking PrEP will provide 92-100% protection from getting HIV from their sex partner.
  • Using condoms and water-based lube consistently will also prevent spreading HIV between partners.

Its important to open and honestly discuss your HIV status with each other so that you can find an easy and convenient option to prevent HIV.

I’m HIV-positive, where can I get ARVs?

You can get ARVS from a public health institution or through a funded NGO for free. Find a list of service providers here who can provide ART or a referral to best facility for you.


faq prep

Where can I get PrEP?

Unfortunately, PrEP is not easily available in many places yet. This is because it is still relatively new and governments are working to find the best way to make it available. You may be able to access PrEP through special projects that are providing it or even through a local clinic if it is available in your community. You should contact one of your local organizations to find out more.